Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
