in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
