Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
