Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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