i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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