I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
