using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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