U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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