May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
