I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
