If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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