that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
