should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
