She said her name was "party"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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