Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
