is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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