Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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