I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
