I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
