i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she smelled like a LAN party
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
