I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They took my balls.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
