And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
