giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
