Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
