If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just cropdusted the office
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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