member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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