turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
