My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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