dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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