Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
