Yo dont text me then not text me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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