Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
