what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
