There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize