ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
