I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
