If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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