I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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