So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
