I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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