I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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