I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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