Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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