Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
