Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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