apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
