Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
