I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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