yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
