the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my shit smells like andre
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
