I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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