The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
