im gay
i know
yea but for you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
