you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
