she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
