i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
