Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize