Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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