I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
