Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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