Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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