Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
