You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
