he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
