So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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