You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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