he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
