I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
