So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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