dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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