Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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