i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
